So this next post comes with a warning: I think I might be getting a bit hippy.
(Ok, I mean a bit more hippy than being a tree-hugging, coconut water-swigging, tofu-eating, animal loving vegan.)
You were warned.
During my run on Sunday I experienced something new: the ability to watch my pacer go ahead of me and to not mind. I didn’t have a meltdown or panic, I didn’t mentally give up, as I’ve been known to do in the past. I just shrugged and got on with the rest of my race.
I even finished without a clue of the time I’d run. No frantic watch stopping and split checking. It wasn’t until the results came out two days later that I actually had any idea of how I’d done.
Then, at the start of the week when I was injured I let myself rest. I didn’t feel that I needed to prove anything to anyone, that I needed to push on regardless just to show face. I just took three days off and let my body heal so that by Thursday I was able to get back onto the road and run pain free (and with a big grateful smile).
When on Thursday I went climbing for the first time in over 7 months, I didn’t beat myself up because I’m not as strong as I once was. I just enjoyed climbing easier routes as elegantly and technically well as possible. I made every move in a slow and considered way and concentrated on getting my body in the right position.
After the first 4 or 5 climbs I felt more sure of myself, but I just let myself enjoy an easy relaxed session until my arms told me they were done.
So what’s happened to me?
While I could worry that I’m losing my competitive streak, instead I’m just enjoying myself a whole lot more. Without the pressure of my own expectations I can actually embrace and relish what I’m doing.
I was talking to R earlier in the week about training and he described it as a ‘means to an end’, but I don’t think it is for me. It’s an end in itself. When I can’t run I’m miserable, so I’d much rather run shorter and slower and be able to get out everyday.
While this new zen state might be short-lived for now I’m embracing it.
Right, I’m off to yoga.